"What color are your eyes?" I ask him as we snuggle before bed that night.
"Black." His eyes are so dark that they are almost black. And shiny, like polished stones. I love them.
"What color are your eyes, Momma?" He asks back.
"My eyes are greenish-brownish. Green, I guess."
"What color are Zip-Zip's eyes?"
"Brown."
"What color are DaDa's eyes?"
"They're brown, too."
"You're tan like C. and Zip-Zip," Bee announces next. C. is his best friend at daycare.
"That's right. We are tan. What about you?"
"I'm brown."
"You are brown! What about Daddy?"
"DaDa is brown too."
I kiss the back of his little hand. "I love your brown skin," I tell him.
"I love you, Momma. Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much." He stretches his arms wide.
"I love you this much, too."
And so it begins.
It's the first time Bee has brought up our colors. And that's all it is to him, at three years old, color. Matter-of-fact. I'm brown, you're tan. Eyes come in different colors. Skin comes in different colors. Toys and crayons and t-shirts come in different colors. That's all.
I think of the post I wrote a couple of months ago, about how our job as parents of children of color, when they are little, is simply to lay a foundation for healthy identity.
It begins. I plant the first seed. It is so simple. Your brown skin is wonderful. I'll plant and plant over the years. I start weaving a warm blanket around him. So someday if someone ever dares to suggest anything to the contrary, he'll know it isn't true. He'll know, because he's always known, My brown skin is wonderful.
With a little encouragement from my friend Justine at A Half-Baked Life, I am linking up with Perfect Moment Monday at Lavender Luz. "Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between."
I love this. So, so beautiful. Ellie, please post a link to it tonight at Perfect Moment Monday, even if you didn't write it for that blog hop ... other people need to read this, too ... and I think you'll find some appreciative eyes at Lori's blog. http://lavenderluz.com/2013/01/perfect-moment-monday-interruptions.html
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I really appreciate that feedback! And I am going to link up right now. :)
ReplyDeleteSo glad J HL sent you here. It's a lovely post, full of love. Thanks for sharing this intimate glimpse into such a sweet and perfect moment :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Lori! I really enjoyed your post as well. I'm reading some of the other link-ups as we speak, er, write!
ReplyDeleteThis is so sweet..and so true! Start with the first seed and continue planting over the years. Your positive and open communication with your little ones is so great! What a wonderful post, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete♥ Talia
oh so sweet! pitariffic found the word "white" last year at age 5, but she still refers to us and other african americans as "brown"... ahh, the innocence! it's good to hear this. i sometimes wonder how other parents handle this or if they even have to "handle" this and be aware of color with their kids.
ReplyDeletei think pitariffic actually started about age 2 but it started with hair. she first mentioned that one of her friends looked like her and had skin like her (an Indian girl) but didnt have hair like her. it felt like the longest 10 minute ride home, ever. i wasnt ready to have that conversation with her.
then one day a couple of months later, she noticed the salon with playsets inside and wanted to go in and play. she knew that it was "a different" salon than where i went and that we wouldnt be getting our hair styled there, but she wanted to play on the playsets. i remember her saying that i could buy some hair lotion so that she could play. it was so funny and cute.
i try to follow her lead with this topic and give her just a little bit more information in the context of "understanding our friends". kids are so perceptive, but i'm in no hurry for pitariffic to take on the world of inequalities and difference.
Ellie, that was such a sweet little conversation between mother and son!
ReplyDeleteYour statement on planting seeds and weaving warm blankets have such in depth meaning in them.
It's rightly said ' Your never too old to learn'
Thanks for teaching.
Beautiful! You are weaving the perfect blanket. If only everyone saw color that way! Have you ever read the book, "The Color of Water" . If not, I think you would enjoy it. It is one of those books that has always stuck with me.
ReplyDeleteAmy, thank you for the lovely feedback. I did read "The Color of Water" last year. Of course I have the WORST memory ever for books after I finish them, so I only vaguely remember it...but I think I enjoyed it. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you commented with your experience about this! What I love about this age (preschool/KG) is that we can talk about differences and the kids have no judgments or preconceived notions attached to those differences (unless they pick them up from us). So it seems such a perfect time to acknowledge differences while talking about them as a beautiful thing rather than something divisive.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand what you mean about not wanting them to take on
"the world of inequalities" yet. I DREAD the day we start having those
conversations.
Thank you, Viola!
ReplyDeleteyes, i love her innocence for now. i love framing everything about our "friends". somehow just using the word "friends" seems to keep it on her level and it keeps her innocence and inclusiveness in tact :) she loves all kids, so i'm not ready for the days to come when stuff starts to interfere with that. interestingly, i'd say that my education has helped me to view diversity as an inclusion concept rather than anything divisive :)
ReplyDeleteWelcome to Perfect Moment Mondays and what a truly perfect moment for you to share!
ReplyDeleteI love this:
"It begins. I plant the first seed. It is so simple. Your brown skin is wonderful. I'll plant and plant over the years. I start weaving a warm blanket around him. So someday if someone ever dares to suggest anything to the contrary, he'll know it isn't true. He'll know, because he's always known, My brown skin is wonderful."I still remember the first time our son noticed that our neighbors' skin was different than his. I was impressed that it didn't phase him, he just matter-a-factly observed that it was darker than his. He was probably 3 or 4 at the time. Now that he is 9 we have had more complicated discussions about identity and what makes people similar and different and identify with various groups based on certain factors, but how we need to have an open mind and welcome friends and neighbors of all backgrounds.
Though we are not a multi-racial family, we intentionally chose to raise our children in a diverse community, similar to the city I was raised in, which I hope will allow them to have open minds and hearts throughout their lives.Anyway, thank you for sharing. Hope to see you again next month for PMM! :)Also, thank you for visiting and commenting on my blog too.
This is so sweet. I wish adults could hold on to that simplicity with which our three year olds view the world, because often times it is so much more pure and true than what we make of it.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely!
ReplyDelete