September 14, 2012

How Important Is Diversity In A School? {Parenting Biracial Kids}

How important is it for children of color to attend a school that has diversity?  I ask, because our son just started kindergarten and his school is like a big ol’ slice of Wonderbread. It is really white.  
 
I knew when we moved a few years ago that the school district was pretty homogenous. But walking into the school for the first time on Back-to-School night and looking at the faces around us, it hit me square on and it bothered me a lot more than I had anticipated. Nearly a hundred parents and my husband’s face was the only brown one in the crowd. Not a single teacher is a person of color. And, at the kindergarten kick-off event for students, I spotted only one other brown child among nearly 50 kids. There was no denying it – this is one white school.

How much does it matter? 
My husband and I grabbed dinner after Back-to-School night and discussed the issue over Thai. He has been certain that we need to move at some point in the next few years, before the boys reach middle school, but I've been waffling on the idea. I love our house, our neighborhood, our community. We’ve lived here for 5 years and finally have some roots. 

If we stay where we are, it is an ideal situation as far as black kids in a white community go. We’ve lived here since our oldest was a year old, so the boys are growing up here and people know our family. Questions like “What are you?” or “Are you adopted?” may be less likely, because our neighbors already know the answer.  

“Wait until they start middle school,” my husband told me. “Wait until they get turned down for a dance because they’re black. They need to have friends who get what that feels like.” I had to fight back tears thinking about this ever happening.  Is he right? I live life hoping for the best from people. But do I need to prepare for the worst? 

Beverly Tatum, a researcher on racial identity development and author of Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together In The Cafeteria? (among other books), writes that kids of color often start gravitating toward one another in middle and high school, as race becomes more salient, because they benefit from having peers who “get it” and can relate to the experience of being black (or Mexican-American or Filipino-American, etc.).  Fitting in is a big part of adolescence. Will my kids feel different or "other" if they are among the very few children of color in their school and, if so, how will that affect them?

And how much have things changed? Tatum's book was written almost 10 years ago and is based on research at least that old. Is there newer research and what does it say? The number of kids being born to interracial couples is undoubtedly on the rise - being multiracial isn't so "different" as it used to be. Then again, we live in a community with an active Klan presence less than 30 miles away and a “secret club” in town that only allows white men. And even in the absence of that kind of blatant racism, there is still stereotyping and prejudice that exists, which can be hurtful even if it comes from a place of ignorance rather than hate. So it would be naïve for me to believe race isn’t going to come up. When it does, would my boys be better off in a diverse school?

A better school? 
When I mention to neighbors or friends that we are contemplating moving before the boys reach middle school and tell them it is so that they can attend a more diverse school, I either get understanding nods or blank stares followed by “But this is such a great school district.”  “I think that just means it’s where the white people with money live,” my husband told me. So we did some research because if, in fact, we live in the best school district around, is it worth trading a better education for more diversity?  In our case, it is a moot point.  My husband is right. “Better” seems to mean “whiter.” When it comes to graduation rates, average SAT scores, and the availability of extracurricular activities, the district next door – which is 37% black/multiracial/Hispanic – is right on par with the one in which we live (with so little diversity that I couldn’t calculate a percent based on publicly available data). The areas in which the neighboring district falls behind are graduation rates for low income and special education students, so unless one of my kids ends up needing special education services, we’re just as well off in our adjoining district. 

Diversity for its own sake
Aside from all of that – worries about racism and whether my kids would benefit from having black peers as they develop their racial identities – there is the simple issue of the value of diversity. For now, race may not seem to matter much in the day-to-day for my oldest son, who is only five. But I can’t help thinking about what he is missing out on - what all of the kids at his elementary school are missing out on: The chance to experience diversity early on, the chance to have friends from all backgrounds and to realize early on, when it sinks deep into their bones, that they are more alike than different, and that their differences are part of what makes them each unique and interesting.

Saturday night we went to a football game in the neighboring district. All around us were kids of color hanging out with white friends. All around us were other mixed families just like ours. This is what my sons could have.  And most likely that is what my sons will have.  Because when I consider all of the pieces – school quality, emotional attachment to our home and community, the opportunity for my children to experience diversity in their day-to-day – I have to agree with my husband that the benefits of moving outweigh the reasons to stay. 

What do you think?

 Photos, from top to bottom, by Nick Saltmarsh and Amy Ross via Creative Commons. Some rights reserved.

31 comments:

  1. Hi Ellie, first I just want to say I love your blog.  I also have a son that started kindergarten this year.  And I just moved this summer so that he could have more diversity...he went to preschool at an elementary school and there was little to no diversity and it was also a very poor school district as far as performance.  I was lucky and found an excellent school district with A LOT more diversity than his prior school.  It's still not as diverse as I would like but it's so much better than where we were.  I think it's extremely important for my son to grow up with others like him.  When he went to the other school he would come home and ask me why no one else looked like him, it broke my heart.  I want him to have a strong sense of who he is as he grows up, I never want him to feel as if he is different or less than because of his skin color.

    I grew up in an all white school and I always told myself (long before I had a child, and long beofre I knew my son would be biracial) that I would never send my children to an all white school.  It's very difficult to relate to others of another race when you have never been exposed to that.  And I just find it appalling that we still have to deal with this in 2012.

    I do agree with your husband, if I didn't find a good school district AND diversity, I definitely would chose to go with a school district that wasn't as great, but had diversity.    

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  2. This is well written and it's refreshing to read your point of view.  We're in a similar situation, although our boys are Asian and adopted.  When I tell people why we are giving up our much-loved home and (very white) community to move to a more diverse area, I am met with blank stares 95% of the time.


    My eldest just started kindergarten and we love his teacher, but the school has almost no diversity.  And since my husband and I are white, we feel like it's even *more* important we move to a diverse area where our kids will have friends, neighbors, and teachers who look like them.

    We've picked a school in a diverse city, my husband started a job nearby, and our house is now on the market.  The thought of a school for my boys that is 41% not white is really exciting to me.  And I am looking forward to a more diverse circle of friends, too.

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  3. I love your point about what his current classmates are missing out on by you moving. That is SO true. We chose a diverse neighborhood to settle in before we even started a family, in part because I wanted it for my (future) children but also because I didn't want to be the oddity of the neighborhood myself as a part of an interracial couple. I have several biracial friends that talk about the difficult self-identity process (a few of them still experiencing the feeling of not belonging in either group well into their 30s) and the more our kids can have other people to talk about it with in their teens, the better. The thoughts in my head around this are jumbled because I have so many, but I ultimately think that the developmental benefits of being a diverse community compensate for a lesser education to a certain degree. If you can get a good education too, then that's fantastic. The heartbreaking aspect is moving from a place where you have worked to establish roots. Boo and sorry - that's a painful process!

    PS. I have read several posts and meant to comment and never got around to it. I'm sorry - especially for not commenting about the one where you were down. Yep, been there. Lately it's about still having my baby weight one year later, feeling insecure about searching for a job because I have been out of the market for a bit... same sort of stuff but different flavor since I'm at a different point in the process. I liked the commitments you were making to yourself and the world - I need to do something similar!

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  4. I have to admit I wondered if this would be a concern for you (and someone that I am close to that goes to the same school as your son). I wouldn't have it any other way (going to a diverse school) for my children and they are both white. I want my children to see past color, race and religion. That is why we chose the district we are in and we chose it before we had our second one who happens to be hispanic (but as white as can be). I went to a mainly all white school and grew up with uneducated misconceptions of people different than me and certainly didnt want that for my children. I had never even spoken to someone of a different nationality, color etc. till I was in my early teens. Because the opportunity had never presented itself. How does that happen? I love how accepting my children are of people that are different than themselves. Something happened this summer that put the icing on the cake for my decision.... my girls and I were driving towards walmart and my oldest one said, "Hey mom look at those two riding bikes. How cute! " Without looking I said, "Where?" She said, "Over there, the two older men riding matching bikes. " I looked and it hit me like a ton of bricks. They were a different nationality AND color and she didnt describe them by either. It may not seem that major but I felt good that she didnt start her sentence describing by race or color. They were just two older men riding bikes. We had some of the same reactions you got but sort of for opposite reasons... We got blank stares and some rude comments when we told people what district we chose to move into. And I KNOW what they were implying but never came out and said it. And we chose one of the more diverse elementary schools as well because not all of our elementary schools are diverse. Ours has alot of war college children in as well. We have 15 children taking ESL class. As hard as it may be I think you are making the right choice.

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  5. I agree with your husband on this one. As a biracial woman, I know first-hand what it was like to go to a school where absolutely NO ONE looked like me and no other families looked like my families. I'm not traumatized or anything BUT it did play into issues I still have with body image and self esteem. It was very confusing for the development of my racial identity. I appreciated college because it's not like there were all these biracial people walking around BUT there were other MINORITIES who had similar experiences to me. I have such a racially diverse group of friends now and the benefits of that have truly made me a better person.

    My husband is Chinese and so our children will be black+white+Chinese! We don't have kids yet, but are intentionally looking to move into an area with a school district that is high performing and diverse at the same time. Not like my opinion means anything, but as a biracial person I think you and your husband are doing the right thing.

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  6. i couldn't agree more. i'd move. i actually live in the town where my daughter was born and it's STILL not diverse enough for me. we don't plan to stay here for much longer, but it's okay for now. just not what i'm used to (or grew up with), and not what i want for my daughter. i like your presentation of the issues and how you've approached them. ;-)

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  7. This is a great piece to ponder over.  Growing up and my parents moving here from the Philippines, they really valued education, but were not very well versed on school district performance.  I managed to go to very diverse schools, and stayed in the same school district from the time I was in 6th grade through high school, but were not really the highest performers in the state or county for that matter.  My school at the time was probably 45% caucasian, 30% hispanic and the rest a mix of just about everything else.  The graduation rate wasn't stellar, although my class happened to have the highest number of graduating seniors (woohoo c/o 95!)  The school is probably now more hispanic than that, but at the time that was the case.  BUT, here's the kicker, my parents and especially my dads side of the family highly values education.  Out of my 21 first cousins (yes, 21) on my dads side, only one has not graduated from college with an undergrad degree and he is pretty much considered the sore thumb in the family, which when my grandfather was alive wound HOUND him over.   (Mind you this cousin of mine went to a very expensive exclusive high achieving Catholic High School.)   Anyway, so because of my parents influence, I happened to excel in my school as did my brother, being with the same group of kids who were over achievers as well from that start in 6th grade through graduating high school.  My point is, even though if the district over all is not the best, a lot of it comes down to parental involvement and influence as to how well the child performs.  At the same time, when I left for college, I did meet kids that went to very high achieving schools and did see that they had much more opportunity than I had in terms of availability of AP classes etc.  Part of me wishes I had more AP classes in high school, but at the end of the day, we both still got accepted to the same highly ranked University. 
    I do also understand the concern about fitting in.  I think I was fortunate that I did grow up in a very diverse environment where I never worried about standing out, but I do know my friend who lived in a very white community and I distinctly remember walking with her one time and kids yelling "ching chong ching" to us.  When we were checking out private schools for my boys, there is a school not too far from here where the majority of the kids are Filipino.  I think 90% of this schools population was Filipino.  Since my kids look Caucasian, I don't know how I feel about sending them to a school with very very few Caucasians as well, as of course there is the concern that they will get picked on or teased. 
    Anyway great post.  Thanks! 

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  8. I loved reading this because it reminds me of the box kids are put in - even when they are innocent and smart and the same as everybody else. Coming from an all white family, I loved reading this because it plants a seed as a parent to teach my kids to break down the walls by leading with example. That makes me sad that by Jr High they start to break off. I guess, it's a good thing, but I would hope my kids wouldn't feel someone with different color skin is "so diffferent".  I don't even know exactly how to do it, but reading your blog is a great start as it reminds me of something that sadly and simply isn't in your face when you do live in that "all white neighborhood..."

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  9. Loved this post as well as readers'comments. Here are my random thoughts: you and your husband are bright, educated individuals and from what I can tell your sons are also bright and curious about the world. As parents, you can help make up for any academic disparities in a school (tho doesn't actually sound like they are that big in the alternate school you are considering) but you can't change the racial diversity of a school. Plus, the more your sons feel that they fit in, the more it may actually help them excel academically, in addition to developing solid identities. Finally a professor friend of mine who recently moved to a larger city and chose public city schools had the following to say: research shows that being at the top of any school is a better predictor for getting into good colleges and succeeding than being in the middle or bottom of the most elite (and usually non-diverse) schools. Finally, the way to keep diverse schools strong academically is for families like yours to choose them. But oh, I feel your pain at having to leave the community you have worked hard to create for yourself.

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  10. We are a few years from school yet, but we just moved and one of our biggest criteria was the school district. My husband doesn't want our children to attend a predominantly black school for the same reasons I don't want them to attend a predominantly white school. I didn't have more than one or two people of color in my parochial schooling through HIGH SCHOOL. I know my parents thought they were doing the right thing, but it still amazes me that at the time I didn't even think it was odd that all of my schools were 99.9% white. (!) Anyway, we ended up in a neighborhood (our neighbors are a biracial couple!) and district that is heavily integrated and urban and it gives me so much peace of mind that my daughter will be

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  11. Robin, that sounds so exciting! Good luck with your move. I hope your son loves his new school when the time comes.

    I can also relate to your excitement about having a more diverse circle of friends yourself. I feel like that, too, is a disadvantage of living in such a homogenous community. In grad school I had such a diverse group of friends and acquaintances, and I miss that. I LOVE going to visit my sister in DC and experiencing all the diversity.

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  12.  Sarah, you were so smart to think about that before moving! I'm not sure what we were thinking...I knew the district was very white and my husband did, too, but I think if we had realized HOW white we would have talked about this and figured it out 5 years ago!  The more we talk about it, the  more I see how important it is.

    As for the other stuff...it is tough balancing everything sometimes, isn't it?! And all the adjustments we have to make as we figure out how to navigate motherhood AND career AND marriage AND everything else we want is tough too! :) Anyway, tomorrow I have a post talking more about it...with video. EEEK! Hey, and good luck job hunting!

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  13.  Jen, we'll have to talk! :) I'm so glad to hear that living where you do has been a positive experience for your girls. And it makes me happy knowing there are others like you in our community who are tuned into these issues.

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  14.  Alyssa, that point you made about how you weren't traumatized but it still affected you is really helpful! I don't think staying where we are would inevitably mean my kids would have a tough time - but it would undoubtedly affect them and make things tougher in some ways we can probably avoid by having them attend a more diverse school! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this!

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  15.  Thanks, Rory! :)  It really is nice to know other families are going through the same thing - as hard as it can be to move (or even just think about moving), it sounds like there are a lot of us doing just that for our kids!

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  16.  Anne, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Your point about the impact of family influence is a good one. It kind of plays off of what Meredith wrote (below) about how being at the top of any school is a better predictor of success than being in the middle or bottom of an elite school. I think when students work hard, doors open. In our case, I think we just have two good public schools but one has a better reputation based solely on demographics, which is really sad!

    Your experience contrasted with that of your friend helps reinforce for me how important diversity is!

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  17.  There are definitely things that I think about as mom to biracial kids that I'm sure wouldn't be on my radar screen - at least, not in the same way - if my kids were white!

    Even for white families in white communities, there is so much you can do as far as exposing your kids to diversity (books, festivals, etc.), the conversations you have with them, and so forth!  There is some great research that shows that kids notice skin color by preschool. They of course don't have a value judgment assigned to it at that age - they just notice it like they do any other physical differences. But if parents ignore it or hush kids up when they comment on it, kids start jumping to conclusions. Which is why it is so important for parents to be deliberate in making sure they DO talk about it and have open, positive conversations. It may just require some proactive efforts if you live in a really white community. :)

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  18.  All great points, Meredith!!!

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  19. Lucky!!! Sounds like you ended up in a great area!

    I went to a very white high school too. But oddly enough, I had a much more diverse group friends in high school (biracial, Indian, Trinidadian, French-Canadian) than I did in college, which was more diverse but also more socially segregated. I THOUGHT growing up that this was a great thing - kids in my school didn't seem to tolerate any kind of overt racism and I was CLUELESS about racial stereotypes so growing up I just saw people of other races as individuals. But I didn't really understand until much later what is might have been like for those friends, and I can now see that my experience as a white person may have differed a lot from their experience of it.

    I'm so glad our kids - yours and mine - will have a different experience!

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  20. This is an issue my husband and I talk about a lot when it comes to our daughter (I'm white, he's black). It's very important to us that she go to a school with racial and economic diversity. We live in a Midwest city where the public schools are unaccredited, and education is definitely a challenge. We've talked about moving to neighboring cities where the schools are better, but then we run into the issue of living in areas where there is much less diversity. 

    I agree completely with the people in the comments and your own observations about how important it is for children not to feel singled out when issues of race inevitably come up. I also think about the importance of diversity from my own perspective. I grew up in a rural area and went to school in an almost entirely white town. I heard a lot of talk about how everyone was "equal" and that racism was wrong, but since I never had to watch interracial interactions it wasn't until I moved away and started dating my husband that I had to face the fact that many of those people didn't mean what they said. I think I would have been more enriched by a more diverse atmosphere. 

    My daughter's not even two yet, but as we make choices about where we might move and where she'll go to school, ensuring that it's diverse is very important. 

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  21. I love how you've looked at the issue. I think it's important for kids to be surrounded by peers similar to them be it race, ethnic origin or family background. Teens are pack animals and will be impacted if they never really have a group that they"belong" to. If you do decide to stay in your current district, consider going to a church with a diverse congregation where your kids can be part of the youth group. 

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  22.  That is really great advice! We actually signed him up for basketball through the Y last year rather than our township, for that very reason of hoping that the rec programs at the Y (which is one town over) would have more diversity.

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  23. You must read the chapter on race and diversity in the book, NurtureShock. It blew me away. My children have always gravitated towards other children that look more like them.

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  24.  Yes - I have that book and that is a fascinating chapter! The whole book is so interesting!

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