On his own {Just Write}

We experienced a major milestone today: Zippy went with his best friend to swim at his grandparents' house, without Momma and Daddy. A's parents picked him up and he climbed through those sliding minivan doors, buckled himself into a booster seat, and rode off into the sunset, errr, afternoon. We'll see him in a few hours. In the meantime our house feels eerily quiet with one less child in it, especially knowing that child is on the other side of town without us. It's only 5 miles away, but it feels like 100 miles.

Sure, Zippy has gone places without us, but always with other family members. And, sure, he has gone off to friends' houses, but just down the street to homes we can see from our front porch. This is different. This feels....bigger.

The last time we attempted this was several months ago. Zip was going to join A on a trip to Chuck E. Cheese. He insisted that he use his own car seat - a highback booster with a 5-point harness - rather than the spare booster A's family offered him. After I secured his car seat in the back of the van, after he climbed in, after a week of anticipation, he changed his mind. Picture me trying to convince him to go, Zippy crying because he wants out of the van, and A crying because he wants Zip to go with him. Oy. It wasn't pretty.

Today, we were both nervous (me secretly, Zippy less so), but ready. It is a major leap of faith, putting your child, your most precious gift, in another parent's hands. A's parents are good, responsible people. We definitely wouldn't have let Zip go with them if they weren't! But still, the what-ifs played in my mind. What if they get into a car accident and Zippy is in a booster instead of his car seat? What if they get distracted and don't watch him closely enough in the pool? What if...?  I wonder why I feel safer when Zip is with me, even though my presence offers no guarantee of safety. No one's does. And I know that this is an inevitable moment - putting my son in someone else's hands. I can't let my own fears interfere with giving him the freedom he needs to grow.

Zip contemplated whether to go, wanting to know if I could come too. When I said no, he said he'd rather stay home, but after a few minutes of playing with A he changed his mind. He asked what would happen if he wanted to come home. I told him if he spent at least a half hour there and still wanted to come home, he could ask A's mom to call and I'd come get him. (I knew by then he'd be past his initial anxiety and having way too much fun to even think about leaving!) He asked how he would know where the deep end was. I assured him he could ask A's parents to show him. I let him know he would be using a booster with the shoulder strap, just like he used at Grandma's, and he informed me he wants one of those in our car. Okay, so I guess that is not an issue for him anymore! In spite of his anticipatory anxiety, he was excited too. He couldn't wait to get his swimsuit on and watched eagerly out the front door for A's family to pick him up.

I asked Hubby to be the one to walk him to the car, knowing their father-son dynamic would make for a smoother departure. He left without incident. No tears, no drama. Just our baby, going off without us.

Love, Ellie

Just Write was started by Heather over at The Extraordinary Ordinary, and is about writing from the heart instead of the mind. Visit the EO to find out more about Just Write or join in.