For the past couple of weeks Zippy has been desperately trying to convince us to let him watch a television show that we've given a big, fat "NO" to. The problem is that one of his buddies at daycare watches this show and they pretend to be the characters when they are out on the playground, so of course Zippy wants to actually see the show.
I repeatedly explained why he isn't allowed to watch the show and we even went on the Common Sense Media website together to look at the reviews. "See?" I showed him. "It says this show is appropriate for kids who are 7 or older. It might be okay for 6-year-olds. Plus it doesn't teach kids anything. It's like junk food for your brain." His begging finally started to subside, although he occasionally reminded us that he would be watching the show when he turned 6. Umm, I'm pretty sure we said 7, bud.
Then a few days ago, I came in the house after visiting over the fence with the neighbors (why yes, we do do that 'round here!) to find Zippy on the couch with the twins from down the street watching The Forbidden Show! Horror of horrors! With the adults outside chatting, Zip had taken advantage of the opportunity to ask his friend to turn on the show for him... since he has no clue how to find a specific show on the TV. I turned the TV off and sent the kids back outside.
Last night he went down the block to invite his best bud over to play. When he didn't come back within a few minutes like he was supposed to, I went looking for him. And there he was, this time on his best friend's couch, watching the dang show again! "So A watches this show?" I very casually ask A's dad. "Not usually. This is the first time," his dad says. Any guesses who suggested they watch it? What I should have done was made Zippy leave right then, but I let him stay and then told him he had lost any further television privileges. Hubby's jaw dropped when I said he was still down at A's watching the show. Oops. I may have mishandled that one.
Total Sneaky Pete. Totally exasperating.
I could start freaking out that my kid has no conscience or doesn't know right from wrong or is just sneaky-at-heart, but I know that he is 5 and his moral reasoning is that of a five-year-old. And it makes me really sad when I hear adults making character judgments or forecasting a child's future of petty crime and prison time based on something they are doing as a little kid. Little kids lie about things and take stuff that doesn't belong to them and sneak cookies and hit their siblings. And it isn't because they have no moral compass. Well, I guess it sort of is. Their moral compass is: Do what feels good. And avoid getting punished. So if they can do something when no one is looking... Zippy really, really wanted to see that show.
Soon Zippy will start worrying about things like following rules to stay out of trouble, even if I'm not around, and then giving some thought to what is fair. But it will be a while before he starts to worry about others' expectations of him as a person or things like big-picture values and morals.
That doesn't mean I can't or shouldn't try to teach him why being sneaky was wrong, to lay the groundwork for that moral development. Oh my gosh. As I'm writing this I just realized I really should have talked to him about why I was disappointed he snuck around our rule, rather than just giving a consequence. Shoot. I gotta go talk to my kid.
I feel like a lot of my posts lately revolve around television. Please don't worry. I swear my kids are not glued to the tube all day. They watch one hour, max.
Great post, and thank you so much for sharing that you use Common Sense Media as a resource for your family!
ReplyDeleteAnytime! I love Common Sense Media - it is my "go to" site whenever I have a question about a tv show and before I bring my kids to any movie. Thanks so much for reading & commenting!
ReplyDeleteWould you have any interest in sharing about our new contest for parents on your blog? We'd love to hear your own wild story and encourage you to enter! www.commonsense.org/been-there
ReplyDeleteAt 4.5, A hasn't started a lot of sneaky behavior yet. It could be right around the corner for all I know, so take this with a grain of salt. I have to admit, I am pretty lax with rules and I generally discuss with her why we have a certain rule. Even then, I don't usually make a big deal about her breaking it. If I was in your situation, I might sit down with her and watch the show with her, explaining the parts I didn't like. So far, I've had to nix two shows from Netflix because I thought they were too adult or showing bad habits and I explained to her the specific things that I didn't like about them. One was The Littles and I found them too adult in content and I thought Grandpa Little was really mean to Dinky. We talked about it and she asked to watch it a few more times and then stopped. The other one was Hello Kitty and it was because all the other characters were snotty. At 4, she's been okay with these explanations, not sure if that kind of attitude will hold water at 5 and up. I think that Zippy sounds like a curious kid. I was curious, still am. And as a kid, if I was given a flat out rule against something, I went balls to the wall, trying to figure out what it was all about. So, it seems that any time something is taboo, your rules might just continue to backfire. Seems hopeless, I know, but I turned out okay. I think that being more lax about it and letting him have a try at whatever it is, with your guidance, could possibly be the better route.
ReplyDeleteI just realized that this was an old post. How weird, it popped up in Facebook timeline. So, what was the outcome?
ReplyDeleteI posted it to FB this morning because we had some "sneaking" this week - I found Skittles on his bedroom floor and a wrapper in the trash! Someone was sneaking Halloween candy! :)
ReplyDeleteI think you make a GREAT point that some kids are just super-curious and rules without explanation/exploration are likely to backfire! I'll have to give that some thought as we encounter different situations.
The tv show I wrote about in this post was one I though would end up scaring him (monsters, trolls, etc.) which we explained to him, but... He's been asking to check out lots of new shows since kindergarten started - ones he hears about from his classmates - and we've taken a similar approach to what you've described and it has generally worked well. When I found the candy this morning we had a chat again about WHY we limit how much candy he can eat, but I definitely don't want to let him eat all the candy he wants to figure out why - LOL! ;)
btw, I've noticed something similar to what you've described with A: once we check out a show that has something negative to it (or is probably just a crappy show), his interest sort of fizzles out! I think he realizes "Hmm, this isn't as great as I expected it would be" especially compared to much better shows that he would usually watch. Isn't it great how that works?! It sounds like we have similar values when it comes to what our kids watch.
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