Friday is Dress In Blue Day, as part of Colon Cancer Awareness Month. I'll be wearing blue...and tweeting and Facebooking and generally social media-ing all month long (hey, new verbs!), because this year Colon Cancer Awareness Month has definitely taken on new meaning for me and I find myself wanting to help spread the word.
I haven't written much about my sister's diagnosis since "the shoe dropped" last summer. I have thought about it many times, crafting posts in my head, and yet when I sit down at my computer I just never manage to get the words from my head onto the screen. I'm not sure what holds me back. Avoidance, maybe? It seems I can easily write "half posts" in my head, but I can't bring myself to really think them through to completion.
I could write about how the initial shock and numbness, that sick-to-my-stomach feeling at the beginning, eventually gave way to a new reality where the emotion comes in waves, sometimes when I least expect it. At first I felt like a zombie, unable to believe that this is happening, and wondered if things would ever be normal again - I would ever feel normal again. And then somehow life returned to something like normal, but a new normal and underneath the surface fear and worry and sadness is there, waiting to release if I let myself stop and touch it.